What is ‘Delayed Ejaculation’?
Delayed ejaculation in this context is when a person with a penis is unable to ejaculate at all, or within a timescale that they believe is acceptable, and such inability is causing them distress
What must be established first
There are many reasons why ejaculation may be delayed longer than wanted and it’s important to rule out any medical reasons before further psychosexual investigations take place. So if you have not spoken to your GP about the problem yet, you will be encouraged to do so. Your doctor will be skilled and experienced in the medical aspects and should put you at ease to talk about it. Once your GP has ruled out any underlying medical issues we can get to work.
Understanding the Context
When does the problem occur and how long has it been happening? Are other related problems happening? Do you use porn and what is your masturbation style? Do you smoke, drink, use recreational drugs or have lifestyle behaviours that can impact the timing of your ejaculation? Has anything affected you in the past? How do you feel about your partner(s) if relevant? If you masturbate in partner or solo sex, is your time to ejaculation satisfactory? Do you actually want to ejaculate? Is there any mismatch between the sex you are having and the sex you actually want?
Understanding your perspective
We need to know what aspect of the problem is causing you the most distress. What are your underlying beliefs that inform this distress. If some ‘shoulds’ emerge there may be opportunities for challenge, re-framing and psycho-education. We are complex beings living in complex times and we can usually benefit from some self-compassion.
If appropriate there are a number of exercises that can help you gain confidence, understanding of your unique arousal style and mastery of your habitual thought processes.